Monday, November 8, 2010

Maydays, Mastiffs and double-shot-Macchiato's

The law regarding transmitting a "mayday" over a VHF radio states clearly that; vessel (or person) must be "in grave and imminent danger." I know this, having completed the first week of training related to our bourgeoning megayacht career. Practically speaking though, when exactly, on the Intra Coastal Waterway, as your rubberised inflatable vessel tears on a rather harmless looking piece of pylon, should you assume that you are in "grave or imminent" danger? 


Training quickly abandoned us; the four who watched helplessly as the air hissed out. The person culpable, the fairer half of a very friendly Alaskan couple, winced as her man weighed up; reach for her, or reach for higher ground. The instructor, a veteran of the seas for some 30 years, didn't reach for either, or the radio - this was enough to keep me from shrieking, "save yourselves!!" before abandoning ship... barely.  I guess he knew, having honed his instincts through years of potential inflatable boat disasters, that they have more than one chamber holding air. 
It was a welcome surprise to the rest of us that we could limp, albeit with more than a little water filling our buckets, very slowly back to land. It was the highlight of a week of training. Jess argues that scoring very high marks for her flower arrangement trumps life-and-death fallible inflatables. Both of us completed the first round of our training with fantastic results. Apparently however, on the high seas little is more important than a well positioned Geranium.


Our house has more nationalities than the UN. It is not easy, upon discovering a foreign national who has negated our sophisticated security at three in the morning, to determine wether to offer him an extra pillow or to start swinging that perpetually greasy frypan as he reaches for the remote. More difficult still is convincing them to sign the treaty relating to making fresh coffee if they are the first one up. 

John owns and runs the best drive through coffee stand in the city (1900 S Andrews.) He also owns "Well spoken," a bicycle selling/lending business. Alertness is paramount when attempting to share the road with the rest of the population. Thai tuk-tuk drivers exhibit a deeper understanding of road safety and vehicle handling than the rush hour traffic on 17 St - the perilous stretch through which we manoeuvre daily to and from school. Green is go, red is go as fast as necessary to insert your front end into a space, oncoming traffic be damned.  As mentioned previously, decision making comes easier when your native road crossing impulse draws your vision to the left first. John ensures he imparts the most amount of awareness he can - double shots and helmets will keep you in there longer. Genuinely he means it, out of concern, not financial gain.

Homebound off 17th is less of a concern, more attention is focused on how to reach those limes that will create the best tasting G&T or knock the bite from a 24oz can of  Corona. We have exhausted the branches on our side of the fence, the bull mastiff knows he is now within striking distance as she stretches for the biggest and juiciest. I am peddling hard as Jess narrowly avoids loosing her sleeve. "It's not my turn,"I announce the next day we are thirsty, "and besides, you're obviously more nimble than I am." 

We will attempt to post once a week on a Monday. We can relive those less than memorable occasions where we have attempted to promote ourselves to the yachting fraternity in the hope we have showed enough restraint during happy hour to have a conversation bordering on coherent with a potential employer.






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